Tuesday, July 30, 2013


I need something...different.
Something more.
I need to DO something more.
I have a million ideas floating around in my head.
The problem is, I don't know what to do with them.
Today, I want to start my own business.
Tomorrow, I want to be stay at home mom and do nothing more than wife and mother.
I can't seem to settle myind, or my heart, on what I REALLY want.
I need structure, I need to know what I'm doing, I just don't know how to get there...

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Things are a mess.

I don't even know what to do with myself. 
I'm kind of a mess of a person. 
I have the hardest time taking care of the littlest things.
And there is just no reason for it. 
I don't know what's wrong with me.

I'll be so good, so good, so good. 
And then bam, I'm twelve years old again, 
and I don't know how to do anything.

My anxiety levels are almost always through the roof.
More times than not, I'm on the verge of crying.
The smallest tasks turn into the most daunting things.

And then those things get out of control.
I'm so scared I'm going to disappoint the people around me,
that it makes it impossible for me to talk to anybody in my life about any of it.

I never used to be this way. 
I don't know when it happened.
I don't know when lying became part of my daily routine.
Not hurtful lies, not really.
Just, "Yea, I made that phone call." while thinking to myself, 'Gotta remember to do that!'
Or, "Or no, that bills paid. Everything is under control." while silently berating myself for not being more on top of things. 

And then, those appointments go unmade, and those bills end up paid late. 
And that opens the door for more lies. 
Because I can't very well admit that I messed up.
That I slacked a little last week. 
That for some, unknown reason, I just can't seem to get it right.

And, right now, at this precise moment, while I'm typing this.
I'm afraid of the repercussions of my actions.
Cause doesn't the truth always come out?

And, even though, the results are nothing catastrophic.
And probably seem way more dire in my mind.
I can't help but worry what the folks around me would think, 
if they could get a glimpse into what really goes on...

Friday, April 19, 2013

Call me old fashioned, but...

The FCC wants to start allowing stronger language, and full frontal female nudity on regular network television. Heres the link, with more info, and your chance to let your opinion be known.

Here are my thoughts on this. It's also what I said in my comment to the FCC.

Honeslty, I feel like if any FCC standards should be changing, it should be the other way around. I already can't let my daughter watch television with her grandma during the day because she watches soap operas and the amount of sex, and foul language on those shows alone is enough to make you want to just shut the t.v. off, and never turn it back on again.

And, I'm not a prude, by any means. I am not personally offended by the cursing that happens, or even the nudity, or sexual inuendo. But my children should not have to be exposed to such things, just because the television happens to be playing in the background.

The news is bad enough for kids to hear. But then, when we change the channel to spare them from that, the show that is playing is twice as bad. It's ridiculous, and unnecessary to use such antics to get people to watch these shows.

I long for the days of good family programing. Even just in the last ten years, the standards of television, and the FCC, have gone downhill, extremely. And, instead of trying to push the limits further, we should be trying to bring the limits back to where they used to be!

Thursday, November 22, 2012


I'm thankful for a lot of things.
I have two, healthy, beautiful children.
I have a fiance who I fall more and more in love with everyday.
I have parents that support me in most everything I do.
In-laws that have accepted me into their family, and treat me like one of their own.
A great church family that I absolutely adore.
And so very many more things!
And I am truly grateful for each and every one of the things on that little list up there!
So I'm doing my best to focus on that today, and not the part that has me just wanting to stay in bed with my love and my kids, and not deal with anyone else!
Happy Thanksgiving all!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

I really can't stay...

Because, you see, I happen to have a sleeping one month old lying very near.
And I think he's about ready to wake up.
I know it's been ages, and ages since I posted, and if I'm being totally honest, I'm not even sure what my last post was about.
Mom brain, and the lack of sleep, may have something to do with that.
But I wanted to stop in and say hi to you all.
If I can, I want to start posting more.
I'm hoping to have fun things to talk about in the next few months.
Winter memories made with my little family. :)

But, for now, I'll leave you with this.

Because I've been listening to Christmas music since before Halloween.
Ya know, cause I'm cool like that.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Journaling. Thought? Suggestions?

So, I've been thinking about starting to journal.
You know, something for me, or even my kids, to look back at in the future. 
But I was thinking I want to do it in more of a structured sense.

So my question for you guys is;
Do any of you know of any challenges, or templates of some kind that I could use as a guideline?

I tend to start journals,
and then never finish them. 

And I'd really like to turn this into something of a book.
A finished, well put together, piece of my life, 
That can be looked back on, and maybe even learned from.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Life and all its Unexpected beauty.

Well, its certainly been a while. 
Life has been pretty crazy these last several months.
From this (not so little anymore) baby growing inside me, 
to losing my grandpa, 
to BabyGirl turning FOUR
finding out we are having a BOY,
 and my love proposing to making an honest woman out of me.
Things have been pretty insane around here.

This year, as a whole, has been something I can't even describe.
There have been some bad things, normal bad things and unbelievably bad things.
But there have been so many good things too. 

Life isn't always what you think it is going to be.
Nothing is ever exactly what you think it is.
Nothing ever goes exactly the way you think it will.

But, when it comes down to it, life is good.
And everything, even the bad, happens for a reason.
God has a plan for all of us, 
if this year has taught me anything,
it's that you have to trust that.

Because even if you can't fathom why things are happening to you,
or why so much is getting thrown at you at once,
why the plan you had set out for yourself is suddenly far from what is actually happening in your life, 
He can.
And if we can trust in that, 
have faith in that,
we will be okay.