Tuesday, July 30, 2013


I need something...different.
Something more.
I need to DO something more.
I have a million ideas floating around in my head.
The problem is, I don't know what to do with them.
Today, I want to start my own business.
Tomorrow, I want to be stay at home mom and do nothing more than wife and mother.
I can't seem to settle myind, or my heart, on what I REALLY want.
I need structure, I need to know what I'm doing, I just don't know how to get there...

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Things are a mess.

I don't even know what to do with myself. 
I'm kind of a mess of a person. 
I have the hardest time taking care of the littlest things.
And there is just no reason for it. 
I don't know what's wrong with me.

I'll be so good, so good, so good. 
And then bam, I'm twelve years old again, 
and I don't know how to do anything.

My anxiety levels are almost always through the roof.
More times than not, I'm on the verge of crying.
The smallest tasks turn into the most daunting things.

And then those things get out of control.
I'm so scared I'm going to disappoint the people around me,
that it makes it impossible for me to talk to anybody in my life about any of it.

I never used to be this way. 
I don't know when it happened.
I don't know when lying became part of my daily routine.
Not hurtful lies, not really.
Just, "Yea, I made that phone call." while thinking to myself, 'Gotta remember to do that!'
Or, "Or no, that bills paid. Everything is under control." while silently berating myself for not being more on top of things. 

And then, those appointments go unmade, and those bills end up paid late. 
And that opens the door for more lies. 
Because I can't very well admit that I messed up.
That I slacked a little last week. 
That for some, unknown reason, I just can't seem to get it right.

And, right now, at this precise moment, while I'm typing this.
I'm afraid of the repercussions of my actions.
Cause doesn't the truth always come out?

And, even though, the results are nothing catastrophic.
And probably seem way more dire in my mind.
I can't help but worry what the folks around me would think, 
if they could get a glimpse into what really goes on...

Friday, April 19, 2013

Call me old fashioned, but...

The FCC wants to start allowing stronger language, and full frontal female nudity on regular network television. Heres the link, with more info, and your chance to let your opinion be known.

Here are my thoughts on this. It's also what I said in my comment to the FCC.

Honeslty, I feel like if any FCC standards should be changing, it should be the other way around. I already can't let my daughter watch television with her grandma during the day because she watches soap operas and the amount of sex, and foul language on those shows alone is enough to make you want to just shut the t.v. off, and never turn it back on again.

And, I'm not a prude, by any means. I am not personally offended by the cursing that happens, or even the nudity, or sexual inuendo. But my children should not have to be exposed to such things, just because the television happens to be playing in the background.

The news is bad enough for kids to hear. But then, when we change the channel to spare them from that, the show that is playing is twice as bad. It's ridiculous, and unnecessary to use such antics to get people to watch these shows.

I long for the days of good family programing. Even just in the last ten years, the standards of television, and the FCC, have gone downhill, extremely. And, instead of trying to push the limits further, we should be trying to bring the limits back to where they used to be!