Saturday, July 24, 2010

Texts and phone calls are nice but I just want your arms around me...

Sunday, July 4, 2010

I've come to the conclusion that I write better when I'm depressed... I'm not sure if that's normal but apparently sadness makes me more creative. I think I might even prefer to read more morose writing as well... Does this make me strange? I should probably just embrace this happiness and not worry about such things. I'll do my best. :)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

love days with sister!! :)

Awesome day today! Went to Santa Cruz with sister and friends and had an AMAZING time! Seriously haven't had that much fun in so long and I really needed it! Then when I got home and checked my email found out that boyfriend is going to be home soon, which made an awesome day even better! I can't wait to see him!!!! :)

Saturday, April 10, 2010

well this was a lovely day...

all in all today was a decent day..made potato salad this morning, went to the street fair with family, drove around with the cousin for a while, got a super-cute new notebook (although i refrained from the super cute pens :/) hung out with the bestie, and now time for bed. its the first day in a while sleep should come easy.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Seriously?!! and what exactly am i supposed to say that!?!
am i supposed to be okay with the fact that you're talking to your ex again?
oh yea sure its all fine and dandy! only its not!
the fact that you feel the need to tell me this just makes me know that there's something you're leaving out... "i've told her that I'm with you now and that we had our chance and it didnt work out." what does that mean exactly? that she wanted to get back together but you have a girlfriend now which is nice to know i mean i know you care about me but what? if we weren't together would you go back to her? because if so please don't let me hold you back, and for that matter don't waste any more of my time... i can deal with the long distance and the never seeing you, i can deal with only being able to talk online because you don't have a phone there, but i really don't know if i can handle you carrying on a friendship with the girl that i know is not over could she be?

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

i hate waking up because dreaming of you is the closest thing i have to reality...

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Between the Lines

What is a girl to do,
When no matter how hard she tries;
All she thinks about is you,
Day and night.
Even in her dreams.
You're like a spirit haunting.
Everyday is something new.
One more thing,
To make her think of you.
Situation after situation
Has you running through her mind.
Ever little thing that she does,
Every little thing that she sees,
Every little thing that she writes,
Has you lying between the lines.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

i just miss him, that's all.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Come Back Home

Its getting harder to breath every second.
The room is spinning out of control.
I don't know how much more I can take it.
Please come back home.

My heart aches for you everyday.
My dreams are of you, each and every night.
No matter how much I try to fight it.
You're always on my mind.

Its getting harder to breath every second.
The room is spinning out of control.
I don't know how much more I can take it.
Please come back home.

All my walls have been broken down.
My feelings laid out.
I've trusted my heart to you.
And I won't regret it.

All my old fears come up
I push them away.
Things are so good with you.
I am not afraid.

Its getting harder to breath every second.
The room is spinning out of control.
I don't know how much more I can take it.
Please come back home. (To me.)
Please come back home. (To me.)
Please come back home.

Monday, February 22, 2010

I Just Want To Hear Your Voice...

It's hard going so many days without hearing your voice.
It's hard going so many hours without kissing your lips.
It's hard going so many months without seeing your face.
But it's all worth it, as long as in the end you come back to me.
As long as in the end you say my name with the tenderness that you always do.
As long as in the end I get to kiss your lips, and hold you in my arms forever.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Never Thought.

i never thought,
that it would be this way.
i never thought,
that you would be with me.
all my insecurities,
would never let me...believe.

all the things that i feel,
about me.
get in the way,
of all the things that i feel,
about you.

i never thought,
that it would be this way.
only in my dreams..


cuz i never thought you'd be with me.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Salt Stains on my Cheecks

Breaths come shallow and quick
Salt stains on my cheeks.
Pain in my chest,
Don't know what to think.
Fear running through my veins
Because of so many unspoken things.
Walls built up so high,
A feat that even I can't climb.

Breaths come shallow and quick
Salt stains on my cheeks.
It hurts so much to miss you,
Just don't know what to do.
I love you with all that I am.
A fact that I've yet to share.
The truth is, I'm far too scared!
What if you don't feel the same?
Everything will have changed.
And, you're all that keep me sane.

Breaths come shallow and quick,
Salt stains on my cheeks.
Pain in my chest,
Don't know what to think.

Saturday, February 6, 2010


birthday dinner tonight!! hope its fun times..i need some mindless conversation, drunken dances, and lame board games! :)

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Menopausal mood swings twenty years too early.

I really don't know what's wrong with me lately. my moods are so up and down its ridiculous. i had a good day today, mother had the baby, and i got to spend time with sister (something that happens far too seldom) we didn't really do anything but we had fun times as always. Got home to the parents in a bit of a screaming match (nice thing to do while babysitting your grandaughter) but it quickly subsided and things have been calm since. i relaxing night of playing with the baby, and watching tv after she fell asleep. turns into too much time for my brain to think, I have an overactive imagination while having no imagination at all... I don't know how I do it! Scenes play out in my head as if I'm going over a movie I've just seen. Scenes that haven't happened..that won't happen. Not even important things just everyday boring stuff...everyday boring stuff I can't seem to get away from.

I've come to the conclusion that I wish I was a lot of things I'm not..
I wish I was more artistic, and more creative. The difference? I can paint, I have a few hanging on my bedroom wall. I cannot however come up with something to’s something i envy in my best friend. The concepts she comes up with are things I simply cannot do. I'm a copier, its lacking.
I wish I was less go with the flow..the truth is I'm very opinionated and rather open about it, but when it comes down to it I'll simply put it out there, and then let it drop. I'm a blurter, its lacking.
I wish I was more gutsy (if that's the right word for it) with the way that I dress. Shallow as it may sound. there are things that I covet in others but would really never put on myself... I suppose it goes deeper than that, in that I wish I was more gutsy..more free thinking? as opposed to being told what to think. I'm a follower, its lacking.
i wish all these things, on top of so many others. while at the same time being generally okay with not being that way. I am who I am, and I make no apologies for that. I simply wish I knew who that was a bit better. I’m still trying to find myself...and it’s lacking.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Bottled Up.

All my feelings bottled up.
All wrapped up and put away,
And that's the way I used to like it.
That's the way it stayed.

But ever since you came along
I find myself breaking down the walls.
I never thought I'd be this way.
I was far too sensible
To get wrapped in,
In such emotional things!

Every thing's out there now.
How i feel and what i think.
It's pretty terrifying...
I've given you the power to break me.
And I'm doing all i can to trust in you.

All my feelings bottled up.
All wrapped up and put away
And that's the way I used to like it.
But it's not the way it stayed.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

All The Time

I sit in my room late at night,
Wide awake and wondering why.
It seems like it happens
All the time.
It seems like it happens all the time.

The first thought creeps in unannounced.
The second one follows close behind.
It kills me that i can't get you
Off my mind.
I miss you and wish you were here;
There's a fear deep down inside
That asks if that's where you
Really want to be?

Why do I have these thoughts?
Why can't I just accept,
That you wanna be with me?

I sit in my room late at night,
Wide awake and wondering why.
It seems like it happens
All the time...

Monday, January 18, 2010

The ramblings of an overemotional girlfriend...

I got to talk to boyfriend today! And it was a great talk...until he mentioned he was also talking to her, the ex. And i know he still talks to her, I see the comments she leaves, he's still friends with her brother...they were together for a long time, I understand that they're still going to talk, they're still going to see each other from time to doesn't mean I have to like it.

Its not that I don't trust him, I do! The thing is, its not in my nature to trust him, its not in my nature to love him, its not in my nature to deal with the long distance, honestly its not in my nature to have a boyfriend at all. I'm breaking all my rules for him, and I guess I'm just scared. No actually, I know I'm scared. My biggest fear is that she'll want him back...and he'll go.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Family obligations and all that...

I'll start with this, I love my family. I really do! That being said, why must I be forced to lunch with them and have birthday cake at every birthday, even for the adults? My morning in a nutshell was wake up think all I had to do today was clean house, and find out that I was expected to go to lunch with the grandparents, for cousin's birthday, and then apparently go to the grandparents house for birthday cake and what not in the evening... it’s not something I find completely necessary to do for a 25th birthday. Anyhow, that's what my day consists of, and that's what I’m going to do. Family obligations and all that, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it.

Meanwhile, peeps keep asking me what I want for MY birthday, and I have absolutely no idea what to tell them. "Just to have fun" gets me stupid looks, and sighs... "No alcohol" gives me quizzical looks, and "whys?" I suppose I’m no fun to shop for when giving these answers :/

bear with me...

As this is my first post I suppose I should let you know a bit about me...

Well, I am twenty years old..I turn twenty one on February 9th (woohoo!) I have a one and a half year old daughter who is absolutely adorable, and an absolute terror! I have a boyfriend whom I'm crazy about, although i don't get to see him nearly enough...long distance is not the ideal, but I fully believe he's worth it... I'm rather opiniated, although maybe not about what I should be, I'm terribly undereducated about politics, it's a problem I'm okay with for the moment. I do have a bit of a potty mouth, yay for being able to censor myself when typing :) I'm that annoying person that doesn't always punctuate properly, capitalize when I'm supposed to, and yes I do in fact use smileys! I'm pretty new to this whole blogging thing so please bear with me as I acclimate myself to things. I'll use this blog to vent my thoughts, my opinions, my songs, and my poems. Please feel free to comment your thoughts, opinions, songs, and poems as well. but please if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I'm all up for different opinions but there's no point in being hateful or mean! I will admit that some of the stuff I write about may be inane at times but I also like to think that I can be rather witty, and meaningful at times...

so that's me in a least what i can think of at the moment.
it's rather late now so I'm off to bed, it's been a long day.