Wednesday, July 6, 2011

You think you know someone...

So I was coping. Living. Attempting to move on with my life. I had even gone two whole days without crying. And then, I got on facebook. And its been less than two weeks. And he has a new girlfriend. (Add in certain expletive, but I'm censoring myself...) Are you for real? So it was all bull.... I was so mad, I can't even explain it. I have legitimately never been that pissed off in my entire life! I was shaking like a leaf on a tree, on a windy fall day. I was so mad, it made me dizzy. So everything he said to me. Lies. He couldn't "handle the distance?" He couldn't handle being around other females. God, she's not even pretty!! And yes, I'm bitter. And yes, I'm livid. I'm shaking right now just talking about it. I was trying to be so mature about everything. I was trying not to hate him. I was trying to understand. But now, I hate him. Now, I'll act like a crazy bitter ex. Now, I never want to see him again. And now, I'm done. I'm going to focus on me. I'm going to focus on my little one. I'm going to live my life, go out, be with the people that actually do care about me. And I'm going to try to forget him. Because clearly, he isn't the man I thought he was. He's just a little boy who can't handle real life.


♫ Drazil ♪ said...

The only thing that's good about this is that I can hear you taking back control of your life. You're not letting him win anymore. He's not worth it. You are seriously better off and by the words in this post - I think you already know that.

Bridget said...

I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner.

I went through the same exact thing. It wasn't even a week until my ex was already out with someone new. I remember thinking to myself "I guess I didn't know him as well as I thought I did." He told me the same thing...distance...yada yada...I need to be on my own...yada yada. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. The fact that he didn't have enough balls to man up and tell me what was up made me realize I wasn't missing out on much. The way he made me believe that it was mostly my fault that it didn't work out (when it was really him, his insecurities, and his wandering dong) made me realize I am so much better off. I am one year removed from the situation and I thank my lucky stars that his bullshit came out when it did. I am way stronger for having gone through it.

I know you love him. His memory is going to linger for a bit, even knowing now how duplicitous he is. When you're ready to start dating again, I hope you're able to find someone who will make you forget about him and the pain he caused you. Just know that even though we have the tendency to think there is something so fundamentally wrong with us when someone breaks up with us, sometimes that isn't the case. Sometimes it's just that we haven't found the person who can properly appreciate us. Of course there are things we can do differently. I think once you're truly honest with yourself and the role you played in the relationship (and what you can do differently next time), that's when the healing starts.

I really hope you find some peace in the process. It may get a bit rough at times, but I promise that if you continue to find healthy ways to deal with this, you will be so much better at the end. <3