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Thursday, June 23, 2011

Looks like I'm single.

I can honestly say I didn't see this coming. He said it was just too hard. I can't hate him for telling me how he really feels, but my world pretty much came crashing down around me. We were supposed to be forever, he wasn't supposed to be the one to hurt me, even though I knew if we did break up he would be the one to do it. I've never had to go through this before, and I didn't have my sister, I don't know what I would have done. I went from sad to mad really quickly, and now I just feel numb. With spurts of sad and mad. My head hurts from crying, and my face is stained with tears. I feel like I can feel my heart breaking inside my chest, and there's nothing I can do about it. I didn't think forever would end so quickly... I thought we would be the exception. I was hoping for engagement, and he was pondering dumping me. I feel like an idiot, but there were no signs. If anything he's been more loving, we've talked more, and maybe that's what hurts the most. That I was completely blindsided. I took down all my walls for him, and now they're back up, and there's more of them. And I can't see myself ever being that open with a man again. I know one thing though, I'll never do long distance again...

6 comments:

Whity Wife said...

so sorry! brownie batter always made my girlfriends feel better (just add water- almost healthy ;) and never say never ;)

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

Oh God, I'm so sorry....what happened? Did he say why? Take care of yourself.

Kathy S said...

:(

Bridget said...

I'm so sorry, darling. I've been there before. Similar circumstances. Did. Not. See. It. Coming. It sucked. I never thought I'd recover. I've been a year removed from the situation. And you know what? I'm way stronger than before, and I still believe in love. I just have a different (and more realistic) perspective about love.

What you feel is totally normal and OK. Just allow whatever emotions and thoughts you feel come through you. Try not to judge them because they are YOUR feelings, which deserves acknowledgment. When things settle down, you can analyze those feelings and think about what they mean and how they can help you in the future.

But right now, it's OK to grieve. It's OK to cry. It's OK to be mad. It's OK to laugh. It's OK to be wistful. It's OK to be sad. These are all legitimate feelings. I have been through all of them; everybody has. It's what you do with those feelings that matters most. Will you let it destroy you or help you grow?

Lastly, I just wanted to say: please take care of yourself because from what I know about you from this blog is that you're a wonderful, sensitive, smart, and beautiful person. And I'm sure you'll find someone who feels the same about you, and you'll see that love is possible again. It's going to suck right now and for a few months, but it'll get better. You'll be stronger and more awesome than you are now. Believe it. :) *Hugs*

NeuroticLover said...

@Bridget, Thank you so much! Seriously, the way you put everything is perfect! Truly made me feel better!! I'm coping now, and I know things will get better. I've never been much of a romantic, at least not when it comes to myself, and I think this being my first experience with love (because I did, and do, love him) it will, in the end be a learning experience for me. I'll look back at our years together fondly one day, and not burst into tears when I do so. Its all just still so fresh right now. And I'm trying to tell myself its okay to cry, because I really hate crying, but when it comes I try to just let it, because I know that that's the only way its going to get better. And I'm keeping busy, which helps. But really, thanks for thinking I'm all those lovely things! And I'm trying to get back to that. I hope you check back! Because this really did help improve my day!!!

Bridget said...

No problem. I'm glad I could help. :)

There will be days when everything is OK and then days later, you're a mess. That is totally OK. Crying is awesome. Trust me, it's better to just let whatever wants to come out, come out. If you don't, it's going to come out anyway and sometimes in really funky ways.

Also, as long as you grow and learn from your relationship with him, it wasn't a failure. People have this idea that if a relationship doesn't work out, it's a failure. It doesn't have to be that way. It's all about perspective, which will come with time and reflection.

You'll be fine. I know it. And if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me! :)